When working with families, systemic therapists know that the foundation of change isn’t built on interventions alone—it’s built on relationships, trust, and belief in the family’s ability to grow. Ted Lasso, with his unshakable optimism and human-centered leadership, provides the perfect framework for approaching therapy with warmth, curiosity, and connection. In this first installment of our Ted Lasso Leadership Lessons for Systemic Family Therapists series, we explore three core principles that set the stage for effective therapy: Be Curious, Not Judgmental; Believe in Your People; and Build Relationships First.
1. Be Curious, Not Judgmental
One of Ted’s most memorable quotes comes from an impromptu game of darts: “Be curious, not judgmental.” This mindset is critical in family therapy. When families enter the therapy room, they often expect to be judged—by society, by professionals, even by each other. Our job as systemic therapists is to replace judgment with genuine curiosity.
🔹 Instead of assuming why a caregiver reacts a certain way, ask about their experience.
🔹 Rather than labeling a child as “oppositional,” explore the relational function of their behavior within the family system.
🔹 Shift from seeing a family’s struggles as resistance to seeing them as adaptations to their environment.
Curiosity opens doors to deeper understanding, allowing us to join with families instead of positioning ourselves as distant experts. It also models a relational stance that caregivers can adopt in their interactions with their children.
2. Believe in Your People
One of Ted Lasso’s defining qualities is his unwavering belief in his team—even when they don’t believe in themselves. Families coming into therapy often feel defeated and stuck, weighed down by patterns they can’t seem to break. Therapists must hold the hope for them, even when they’ve lost sight of it themselves.
🔹 Instead of focusing solely on deficits, highlight family strengths—even the small ones.
🔹 Normalize the difficulty of change while reinforcing that progress is possible.
🔹 When a caregiver expresses doubt, remind them of moments when they successfully supported their child.
Believing in families doesn’t mean ignoring their struggles—it means seeing their potential for growth and resilience, even when they can’t see it themselves.
3. Build Relationships First
Ted Lasso doesn’t walk into a locker room and immediately start coaching strategy—he builds relationships first. Systemic therapists must do the same. Techniques and interventions are important, but without a strong therapeutic alliance, they fall flat. Families need to feel safe, heard, and valued before they’re willing to engage in change.
🔹 Take the time to join with each family member and understand their perspective.
🔹 Use humor, warmth, and presence to create an environment where families feel comfortable.
🔹 Be mindful of power dynamics and subsystems, ensuring that all voices—especially those who feel unheard—have space in the room.
Therapy is a collaborative process, and when families feel a connection with their therapist, they are more willing to take the risks necessary for change.
Conclusion: Laying the Groundwork for Change
Systemic therapy is about creating an environment where transformation is possible—and that starts with how we show up. When we approach families with curiosity instead of judgment, believe in their ability to grow, and prioritize relationships over interventions, we lay the foundation for meaningful change.
Stay tuned for the next installment in our series, where we explore how optimism, vulnerability, and small actions shape the therapeutic process. Until then, remember: Believe!
Leave a Reply