Why Enactments Matter for Family-Based Challenges

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One of the most important distinctions in systemic family therapy is determining whether the challenge we are treating is primarily individual-based or family-based. When a challenge is individual-based, the primary intervention may focus on helping the individual develop skills, insight, coping strategies, or other resources. But when the challenge is family-based, the problem is maintained within a pattern of interactions between people. In these situations, helping one person behave differently is not enough because the relational system has not yet experienced a different way of organizing itself. This is where enactments become essential.

Family-Based Challenges Live in Relationships

From an ESFT perspective, we understand the individual as embedded within a larger relational and social ecology. A child’s behavior may be the most visible expression of distress, but that does not necessarily mean the child’s behavior is the problem or that the child is the person who needs to change. Instead, we want to ask: What are the rules/beliefs/rituals/traditions (family culture) that happen between people that helps this pattern continue?

For example, a child becomes dysregulated, the caregiver becomes more directive, the child escalates, the caregiver increases control, and the child withdraws or becomes more oppositional. Each person’s behavior makes sense within the interaction. The problem isn’t simply the child’s behavior or the caregiver’s behavior; the challenge is the pattern that emerges between them. This is why systemic therapists need to see the difference between treating an individual behavior and intervening in a family-based challenge.

Why Talking Isn’t Enough

Families can often describe their patterns beautifully in therapy. They may recognize, “We always end up yelling,” “I try to help, and she pushes me away,” or “He doesn’t listen unless I get angry.” But knowing the pattern intellectually does not necessarily create the capacity to do something different. The family needs an experience of doing something different. So they learn how to talk about “it”, trust, and feel in the presence of each other.

This is one of the fundamental purposes of an enactment. Rather than asking family members to simply tell the therapist what happens between them, the therapist creates an opportunity for the family to interact using their strengths with one another in the room. Now the therapist can see the pattern. More importantly, the family can experience the pattern and experience the possibility of changing it.

Trauma-Informed Care Requires More Than Understanding

Trauma shapes expectations about relationships. People may learn that connection is unpredictable, that vulnerability is unsafe, that asking for help leads to rejection, or that control is necessary for protection. These expectations are not simply thoughts; they are often embedded in relational and physiological responses. The body will pick up on this well before the mind consciously can. So the family must deliberately practice to prepare the body to stay present and calm. That means telling someone, “You are safe now,” may not be enough. They may need to experience safety during the interaction between.

A caregiver who has learned to respond to distress with control may need to experience their child becoming distressed and discover that they can remain connected without escalating and taking full control by any means. A child who expects rejection may need to experience a caregiver responding with curiosity rather than criticism. A parent who believes they have to manage everything alone may need to experience another person successfully sharing responsibility. The new interaction becomes the intervention.

Enactments Create Corrective Relational Experiences

An enactment provides an opportunity for family members to practice a new way of relating while the therapist is present to support, shape, and strengthen the interaction. The therapist is not simply coaching the family from the outside; the therapist is helping the family experience a different relational possibility. This is particularly powerful because the new interaction can challenge the family’s existing expectations.

Family members discover a different experience and internal new meaning, “I expected you to get angry, but you stayed with me,” “I thought if I didn’t control the situation, everything would fall apart—but I was able to let you lead,” or “I thought asking for help would make things worse, but you actually listened.” These moments create new information for the family system.

First-Order & Second-Order Change

This is also where enactments connect to the distinction between first- and second-order change. We certainly want families to develop new behaviors, but ESFT is particularly interested in what those new behaviors mean to the family. The goal isn’t simply, “Mom stopped yelling.” The deeper question is, “What does Mom now believe about her ability to remain connected to her child when things become difficult?”

Likewise, the goal isn’t simply, “The child listened.” It is, “What does the child now understand about whether their caregiver can keep them safe and be trusted to stay connected?” The behavior is important—but the new meaning created through the interaction is what allows change to become more sustainable.

The Therapist Creates the Opportunity—The Family Creates the Change

Enactments also reinforce an important ESFT conviction: the therapist is facilitates collaboratively through the family leadership to foster new experiences, but is not the agent of change. The therapist cannot make a family become connected. Instead, the therapist creates opportunities for family members to experience themselves and one another differently. Through joining, reframing, assessment, enactment, and anchoring, the therapist helps the family move toward a new interactional experience (positive interactional pattern). When the family experiences something different, they have something new to take with them beyond the therapy room.

For family-based challenges, we don’t just want families to understand a new way of interacting. We want them to experience it. That is why we use enactments. Watch the video accompanying this article to see how an enactment can move a family from talking about their pattern to experiencing a new way of relating.