As systemic family therapists, we often meet caregivers who feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and hopeless. They’ve tried everything, yet nothing seems to change. The child’s behaviors persist, stress mounts, and they begin to believe that their situation is unfixable. This is where reframing becomes one of the most powerful tools we have.
Why Do Caregivers Lose Hope?
Caregivers become hopeless when they no longer believe in their ability to make a difference in their child’s life. This can happen for many reasons:
- They’ve tried multiple strategies without success.
- They feel blamed or judged by professionals.
- They are emotionally drained from ongoing struggles.
- They see their child’s behaviors as permanent and unchangeable.
When a caregiver loses hope, their ability to be an effective leader in the family weakens, making it even harder for change to happen. This is why reframing is essential—it shifts their perspective and helps them see a path forward.
The Power of Reframing
Reframing isn’t about ignoring a caregiver’s struggles or dismissing their pain. It’s about helping them see things differently so they can regain a sense of agency, purpose, and confidence.
Example 1
Caregiver: “They cut themselves again!”
Therapist: “This is a high stakes situation…it makes sense you are scared you don’t want to lose your child to depression…you know what it takes to overcome depression…I can’t help but wonder how you did that…can you tell me about that…”
Example 2
Caregiver: “They have to go to the hospital they want to die.”
Therapist: “Oh my…your child believes they have burdened you and killing themselves is the only option they have…It is tragic how they aren’t experiencing the love you have for them…”
Example 3
Caregiver: “The kid is the problem…not me”
Therapist: “Can I tell you where I think we need your leadership? The unwanted guess of addiction has everyone bound to secrecy…Can you help me take stand against the addiction haunting this family?!”
Reframing Is Isomorphic
The way we reframe for caregivers is isomorphic to what we want them to do for their child. Just as caregivers need to see their efforts in a new light, children need caregivers who can see beyond their behaviors and recognize their underlying needs.
Final Thoughts
When caregivers feel hopeless, they don’t need more strategies or interventions, they need a shift in perspective that restores their confidence. As therapists, our job is to help them see their strength, their efforts, and their ability to create change—because once a caregiver believes in themselves again, hope returns, and change becomes possible.
💡 Want to learn more about using reframing in systemic family therapy? Stay connected with our blog for insights, training opportunities, and expert guidance!
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