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Engaging every member of a family in therapy is no small feat. In many sessions, one or two voices dominate while others fade into the background. Add in tight session times, and it’s tempting to focus on immediate issues rather than broad engagement.

But presence matters more than perfection. The goal isn’t to fix every dynamic in one session—it’s to build small, intentional moments of connection across time. Each session is a stepping stone toward larger transformation.

Start by redefining success. Engagement doesn’t always mean equal talk time. It might mean one small contribution from a typically silent member. It might look like a validating nod or a moment of shared laughter. These moments matter.

Time constraints force us to be strategic:

• Use change enactments to invite all members to speak without pressure.
• Set clear, attainable goals for each session.
• Circle back to quieter members and validate their presence, even if they say little.

Remember, engagement is not a single moment—it’s a relationship built over time. The more consistent and inclusive the therapist’s approach, the more likely family members are to show up not just physically, but emotionally.

Resistance from clients is one of the most common and frustrating challenges therapists face. Whether it’s missed appointments, shutdowns in session, or flat-out refusal to engage, resistance can feel like a personal failure or a sign that therapy isn’t working. But what if resistance is actually a form of communication?

In systemic family therapy, we reframe resistance not as opposition, but as protection. Often, clients resist because they feel vulnerable, uncertain, or unheard. In fact, that resistance may be signaling something crucial: a desire for improved family communication but a fear of the discomfort or change that might come with it.

By approaching resistance with curiosity rather than control, we open a door to deeper engagement. Instead of asking “Why won’t they cooperate?” we ask, “What are they trying to protect? What do they need to feel safe enough to participate?” This shift reframes resistance as a relational signal—not a defect.

Therapists can leverage moments of resistance by validating the client’s concerns and aligning with their underlying needs. Resistance often melts when a client feels truly seen and heard—especially when they’re struggling to find their voice in a complicated family system.

Improved family communication is not a byproduct of therapy—it’s a central goal. When resistance arises, it’s a cue that the path to better communication is available—but not yet accessible. Our role is to guide the family toward it by leaning into discomfort, modeling vulnerability, and keeping the relational frame intact.

When families are navigating behavioral challenges — whether it’s a child acting out, conflict between siblings, or ongoing tension between caregivers — the natural impulse is to turn to the therapist as the “expert” to fix the problem. In that moment, families often believe that they have little to offer, that the solution must come from outside of them, and that their relationships and history have little to do with the issue at hand.

But as systemic family therapists, we know that this approach is incomplete. In fact, it can be harmful. When families start to believe they are powerless in the face of problems, they become passive observers rather than active participants in their own growth. And when therapists reinforce this dynamic — intentionally or not — we rob families of their agency and diminish the power of the relational system.

A strength-based, relational approach turns this on its head.

Rather than focusing solely on what’s broken, we look for what’s working — the small moments of connection, care, resilience, and effort that already exist within the family system. We ask ourselves:

• Where are the strengths hiding in plain sight?
• How can we build on those to address behavioral challenges together?
• What has this family survived, overcome, or adapted to before?

This perspective allows us to solve problems relationally, not just behaviorally. A child’s acting-out behavior isn’t addressed in isolation but understood within the context of relationships, stressors, patterns, and roles in the family. We see behavior as communication, shaped by the family’s environment, expectations, and connection.

When families experience this shift, everything changes. They stop waiting for the expert to deliver answers and begin participating in creating solutions. They regain a sense of capability and confidence, recognizing that their relationships are not only part of the problem — but the foundation of the solution.

At PCFTTC, we believe that every family holds the raw material for their own healing. Our role is to uncover, name, and strengthen those existing resources while guiding families toward healthier, more connected ways of being together.

Strength-based, relational work isn’t about being soft — it’s about being strategic, respectful, and effective. It’s how we create change that lasts.

Fast can be fragile. Adaptability without character can break when it matters most.

Nearly a decade ago, Team of Teams changed how we think about building organizations. It showed us that in complex, high-velocity environments, speed and adaptability come not from control but from trust, shared consciousness, common purpose, and empowered execution.

But, in a world of rapid technological change and moral booby traps around every corner, adaptability alone isn’t enough. Because what holds systems together under pressure isn’t just structure. It’s character.
The hidden variable in high-performing organizations isn’t just how you lead. It’s who you are while leading.

That’s where On Character enters, the latest book from Stan McChrystal, examining the shifting focus from systems to the individual. Exceptional leaders don’t just drive results; they embody values like humility, integrity, and selflessness. These aren’t soft skills. They are the foundation of trust, loyalty, and long-term impact.

Together, Team of Teams and On Character offer a simple but profound truth:

You can build a highly adaptive organization, but it will only be as strong as the character of its members. Speed is necessary. Adaptability is required. But trust and character are what endure.

Leaders must question their convictions and consider how deep their values truly go. Ask yourself:

• Am I exhibiting the behaviors I expect of my people?
• Do my decisions reflect conviction or convenience?
• Would my team describe me as someone worth following, especially when it’s hard?

As you reflect on your own contribution to the “culture + system = sustained high-performance” equation, we invite you to explore our resources from the Team of Teams 10th Anniversary collection, designed to help leaders build adaptable systems and enduring character.

Related Insights:

• Leadership Behaviors Needed in a Complex World
• Lead Like a Gardener
• Team of Teams® Executive Summary Guide
• The 4 Secrets High-Performance Organizations Know About Teams

Copyright © 2025 McChrystal Group, All rights reserved. 

Netflix Link: https://www.netflix.com/us/title/81945091?s=i&trkid=258593161&vlang=en

In The Turnaround, a Netflix short documentary, we witness a rare and powerful moment in sports: a city choosing compassion over criticism. When Philadelphia Phillies shortstop Trea Turner struggled during the 2023 MLB season, the typical response might have been boos and frustration. But what happened instead was extraordinary—fan Jon McCann called for a standing ovation. The city responded. The crowd stood, cheered, and poured belief into a player at one of his lowest moments. What followed was a surge in Turner’s performance, and a deep emotional shift in how fans and athletes connected.

At PCFTTC, we see this moment as a real-world example of social ecology in action. Just like in therapy, healing and growth don’t happen in isolation. People are shaped by their environments—families, communities, systems of support. When one part of the system chooses empathy and encouragement over shame or blame, it reverberates.

Turner’s story reminds us why being strength-based and context-sensitive matters. His performance issues weren’t just about mechanics—they were about mindset, pressure, and the invisible weight of expectations. Instead of pathologizing the “problem” (Turner’s slump), the community looked at the context and chose to support rather than punish. In doing so, they acted as a trauma-informed system—offering safety, connection, and belief.

This is precisely the lens we use in Ecosystemic Structural Family Therapy (ESFT). When working with families, we don’t just treat behaviors—we look at the context that sustains them. We seek to understand before we intervene. We ask: what would happen if this family were met with belief instead of blame?

The Turnaround teaches us that systemic change begins with one choice: to hold dignity and possibility in the face of struggle. As therapists, supervisors, and healers, we can ask ourselves: how do we create our own “standing ovation” moments for the families we serve? How do we choose hope, every time?

Let this story inspire us to keep building systems of care that are trauma-informed, context-sensitive, and full of the kind of strength-based belief that can change lives.