REFRAMES
In systemic family therapy, reframing is one of the most powerful tools we have. It is also one of the most misunderstood. Too often, reframing is mistaken for persuasion, explanation, or even subtle pressure to “see things differently.” In reality, a reframe is not about convincing anyone to change.
Reframes are not:
- Arguing with caregivers or clients
- Laying breadcrumbs to lead someone to the therapist’s conclusion
- Getting someone to agree with, believe in, or adopt the therapist’s perspective
When reframing turns into persuasion, it loses its power. People don’t change because they are talked into a new idea; they change because something shifts in how they understand the problem.
What a Reframe Actually Is
A reframe offers an alternative lens—one that is relational, developmental, contextual, and trauma informed. It invites caregivers and family members to look at the problem from a different angle, without demanding that they abandon their current understanding.
Rather than saying, “You’re wrong,” a reframe gently asks, “What if this behavior is signaling something else?”
In ESFT, reframes help families move from seeing the problem as:
- The child
- The behavior
- A character flaw or failure
to seeing the problem as:
- An interaction between people
- A pattern shaped over time
- A response rooted in generations, stress, trauma, and context
This shift is subtle—but profound.
From Blame to Pattern
When caregivers view the child as “the problem,” they often feel stuck, frustrated, or powerless. Reframes help caregivers step back and see how everyone in the system is participating in a pattern, often unintentionally. This does not assign blame—it creates possibility.
Suddenly, the behavior is no longer evidence that something is “wrong” with the child. Instead, it becomes a signal that something in the system needs support, structure, or repair.
And when the problem is the pattern, not the person, change becomes possible.
Why Reframes Create Movement
Effective reframes open caregivers’ eyes. They lead to new questions, new emotional responses, and new options for action. Caregivers often find themselves thinking, “I’ve never thought about it that way before.” That moment of curiosity is where change begins.
A reframe doesn’t solve the problem on its own—but it creates the conditions for meaningful work to happen. It prepares the ground for enactment, collaboration, and restructuring.
Because patterns are created together, they can also be changed together—with everyone’s help.
That is the true power of reframing: not convincing people to change, but helping them see that change is possible.