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When working with families, systemic therapists know that the foundation of change isn’t built on interventions alone—it’s built on relationships, trust, and belief in the family’s ability to grow. Ted Lasso, with his unshakable optimism and human-centered leadership, provides the perfect framework for approaching therapy with warmth, curiosity, and connection. In this first installment of our Ted Lasso Leadership Lessons for Systemic Family Therapists series, we explore three core principles that set the stage for effective therapy: Be Curious, Not Judgmental; Believe in Your People; and Build Relationships First.

1. Be Curious, Not Judgmental

One of Ted’s most memorable quotes comes from an impromptu game of darts: “Be curious, not judgmental.” This mindset is critical in family therapy. When families enter the therapy room, they often expect to be judged—by society, by professionals, even by each other. Our job as systemic therapists is to replace judgment with genuine curiosity.

🔹 Instead of assuming why a caregiver reacts a certain way, ask about their experience.

🔹 Rather than labeling a child as “oppositional,” explore the relational function of their behavior within the family system.
🔹 Shift from seeing a family’s struggles as resistance to seeing them as adaptations to their environment.

Curiosity opens doors to deeper understanding, allowing us to join with families instead of positioning ourselves as distant experts. It also models a relational stance that caregivers can adopt in their interactions with their children.

2. Believe in Your People

One of Ted Lasso’s defining qualities is his unwavering belief in his team—even when they don’t believe in themselves. Families coming into therapy often feel defeated and stuck, weighed down by patterns they can’t seem to break. Therapists must hold the hope for them, even when they’ve lost sight of it themselves.

🔹 Instead of focusing solely on deficits, highlight family strengths—even the small ones.

🔹 Normalize the difficulty of change while reinforcing that progress is possible.

🔹 When a caregiver expresses doubt, remind them of moments when they successfully supported their child.

Believing in families doesn’t mean ignoring their struggles—it means seeing their potential for growth and resilience, even when they can’t see it themselves.

3. Build Relationships First

Ted Lasso doesn’t walk into a locker room and immediately start coaching strategy—he builds relationships first. Systemic therapists must do the same. Techniques and interventions are important, but without a strong therapeutic alliance, they fall flat. Families need to feel safe, heard, and valued before they’re willing to engage in change.

🔹 Take the time to join with each family member and understand their perspective.
🔹 Use humor, warmth, and presence to create an environment where families feel comfortable.
🔹 Be mindful of power dynamics and subsystems, ensuring that all voices—especially those who feel unheard—have space in the room.

Therapy is a collaborative process, and when families feel a connection with their therapist, they are more willing to take the risks necessary for change.

Conclusion: Laying the Groundwork for Change

Systemic therapy is about creating an environment where transformation is possible—and that starts with how we show up. When we approach families with curiosity instead of judgment, believe in their ability to grow, and prioritize relationships over interventions, we lay the foundation for meaningful change.

Stay tuned for the next installment in our series, where we explore how optimism, vulnerability, and small actions shape the therapeutic process. Until then, remember: Believe!

The Super Bowl is more than just a football game—it’s a cultural event that brings people together, sparks emotions, and showcases teamwork at its finest. If we take a step back and look at the game through a systemic lens, we can see how football and family therapy have more in common than we might think. Like a great football team, families function best when they have strong leadership, clear communication, and the ability to adapt to challenges.

Strong Leadership Matters

Just like a football team needs a strong coach to provide guidance and direction, families rely on caregivers to create structure and provide leadership. In systemic family therapy, we focus on the role of parental leadership in setting boundaries, fostering emotional security, and ensuring each family member feels supported. Without clear leadership, both football teams and families struggle to stay aligned and work toward common goals.

Effective Communication Prevents Fumbles

On the field, players must communicate effectively to execute plays and avoid costly mistakes. In families, communication is just as critical. Systemic family therapy highlights how patterns of miscommunication can lead to frustration, misunderstandings, and conflict. By improving how family members listen, express their needs, and respond to each other, they can function more like a well-coordinated team rather than a group of individuals working against each other.

Trust and Support Make a Difference

Winning teams build trust between players, knowing that each person has a role to play. Families thrive when members feel safe, valued, and supported in their roles. In systemic therapy, we help families recognize and reinforce these connections so that each member knows they are a valuable part of the system.

Flexibility and Adaptability Are Key

A team that refuses to adjust its game plan won’t win many championships. Similarly, families that struggle with rigid expectations and resistance to change often experience more stress and conflict. Systemic therapy helps families develop the flexibility needed to navigate life’s unexpected challenges with resilience and cooperation.

So, as you watch the Super Bowl this year, think about your own family system. Is your “team” functioning at its best? If not, small shifts in leadership, communication, trust, and adaptability can make all the difference.

#SuperBowl #FamilyTherapy #SystemicThinking #Teamwork #StrongerTogether

As systemic family therapists, we understand the importance of fostering meaningful connections with the families we serve. But to truly be effective, we must first look inward and reflect on the unique “slice of pie” that we bring into the therapy room. This analogy—simple yet profound—invites us to examine the ingredients that shape our therapeutic presence.

Our slice of pie represents the sum of our experiences, biases, beliefs, and emotional triggers. These elements influence how we interpret and respond to the dynamics we observe in families. While some ingredients, such as empathy, self-awareness, and openness, enhance our work, others—like unresolved personal biases or emotional blind spots—can create barriers to effective therapy.

This is where Person-of-the-Therapist (POTT) work becomes essential. POTT encourages therapists to engage in deep self-reflection, identify their “ingredients,” and take intentional steps toward growth. By acknowledging how our own histories and emotions intersect with our professional roles, we position ourselves to build authentic relationships with families and create space for transformative change.

So, how can you assess what’s in your slice of pie? Here are a few steps to get started:

1. Engage in Reflective Practices: Journaling, supervision, or peer consultation can help you uncover patterns and areas for growth.
2. Seek Feedback: Honest input from colleagues and supervisors can provide valuable insights into how your personal attributes impact your work.
3. Commit to Continuous Learning: Attend trainings or engage in activities that challenge your assumptions and expand your perspectives.
4. Practice Mindfulness: Awareness of your own emotional triggers allows you to stay grounded and fully present during sessions.

When we take the time to examine and refine our slice of pie, we not only enhance our skills but also deepen our connection to the families we work with. What’s in your slice? Are you ready to do the work to ensure your ingredients support healing and growth?

💬 Join the conversation! What practices help you cultivate self-awareness as a therapist?