Author: Jennifer Benjamin

  • Relentless Love: What a Foster Cat Mom Teaches Us About Attachment and Trauma

    Recently, I watched a short video of a foster mother cat gently caring for a kitten who had clearly endured trauma. The kitten flinched at every movement, tucked itself into corners, and froze at any attempt at touch. But the mother cat didn’t retreat. She moved slowly, calmly—relentlessly. With every lick, every soft purr, every patient pause, she sent the same message: You are safe now. I won’t hurt you. I’m not going anywhere.

    As I watched, I realized: this is exactly what it looks like to build attachment with a child who has experienced complex developmental trauma.

    In Ecosystemic Structural Family Therapy (ESFT), we talk about the importance of reestablishing safety and connection as the foundation of all therapeutic work. For children who have learned through experience that adults are unpredictable, unavailable, or unsafe, attachment isn’t automatic—it must be earned through consistency, patience, and deep emotional attunement.

    The caregiver’s role is to embody safety. Not to demand closeness, but to offer connection without pressure, and to remain emotionally available even in the face of rejection or withdrawal. Just like the foster mother cat, the caregiver must be willing to show up again and again, saying with their actions:
    💬 I see you.
    💬 Your fear makes sense. I would be afraid too.
    💬 I’ll stay until you trust.

    Attachment doesn’t come from grand gestures—it comes from the quiet, repeated moments of co-regulation: sharing calm, honoring the child’s emotional state, and staying present without needing immediate results.

    In a trauma-informed, strength-based model like ESFT, we understand that healing happens through relationship, not in spite of it. And while the journey is slow, the impact is profound.

    That tiny kitten eventually crept toward the mother cat and tucked itself under her warmth. It didn’t happen all at once—but it happened. The same is possible for the children we serve.

    Traumatized children don’t need perfect caregivers. They need relentless ones. Ones who stay. Ones who wait. Ones who whisper safety through every calm breath and patient act of love.

    Because healing begins where fear once lived—and trust is the bridge we build one steady step at a time.

  • Wear Sunscreen—and Practice ESFT: Life Advice Meets Systemic Family Therapy

    If you’ve ever heard the iconic spoken-word song “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen),” you know it’s packed with practical, poetic, and unexpectedly emotional advice. Originally a column by Mary Schmich and popularized by Baz Luhrmann, the song reads like a love letter to life’s complexity—with one recurring reminder: wear sunscreen.

    But if you listen closely, the heart of the song is about more than sun protection—it’s about perspective. It’s about embracing uncertainty, holding paradoxes, and trusting that life is rarely linear. And if there’s any therapeutic model that echoes that spirit, it’s Ecosystemic Structural Family Therapy (ESFT) – making the complex simple by seeing the challenge as relational not behavioral.

    “Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long—and in the end, it’s only with yourself.”

    In ESFT, we often help families move away from competitive, comparison-based narratives and toward shared emotional connection. Healing happens when we shift from proving or winning to joining and reframing. Families don’t need perfect answers—they need safe spaces to be seen, to struggle, and to grow.

    “Do one thing every day that scares you.”

    In the family therapy room, vulnerability is that one thing. Asking a caregiver to hold limits with love, encouraging a teen to share hurt instead of anger, or guiding a therapist-in-training to sit in discomfort—these are ESFT moments. Progress isn’t comfortable; it’s courageous action inside safe structure.

    “Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.”

    We help families appreciate the everyday, not just the crisis. ESFT is a model rooted in social ecology, reminding us that growth doesn’t happen in isolation—it happens in schools, homes, neighborhoods, and quiet moments. The small, unseen strengths families already possess often become their greatest tools for change.

    The Therapist’s Sunscreen? Structure.

    Just as sunscreen protects us from invisible harm, structure protects families from the chaos of unchecked patterns. The ESFT therapist holds that structure so families can safely explore their agency. We aren’t rescuers—we’re guides walking families toward their own power.

    In a way, wear sunscreen is exactly what we ask families to do: protect what matters, risk connection, trust the process—and be gentle with yourselves.

  • Celebrating Kim D. : A 2025 Marion Lindblad-Goldberg Award Nominee

    At the Philadelphia Child and Family Therapy Training Center, we are thrilled to recognize Kim D. as a nominee for the 2025 Marion Lindblad-Goldberg (MLG) Award. This award honors professionals who demonstrate exceptional clinical skill, a commitment to systemic family therapy, and a deep dedication to strengthening families through relational healing. Kim embodies these qualities in every aspect of her work.

    A Systemic Thinker and Team Supporter

    Kim plays a pivotal role in group supervisions, offering her insight to help teams view cases through a systemic lens. She consistently highlights systemic barriers and influences, ensuring that cases are understood beyond the individual level and within the context of larger relational and structural dynamics. Her ability to support and challenge her colleagues fosters a culture of growth and deeper understanding.

    Balancing Boundaries with Compassion

    Over the years, Kim has shown tremendous growth in her ability to balance professional boundaries while maintaining strong collaborative relationships. With a genuine and caring heart, she is always willing to support those in need. However, what sets Kim apart is her ability to model boundaries in a way that is both kind and respectful, teaching families how to create healthy relationship dynamics within their own systems.

    Connecting Families to Their Communities

    Kim understands the power of social ecology and actively works to connect families to their communities and available resources. By helping families tap into their natural support networks, she ensures that they are not only receiving clinical support but are also building sustainable connections that will continue to benefit them long after therapy concludes.

    Guiding Families Through Crisis and Change

    Kim’s ability to support families through crisis is one of her most defining strengths. She remains calm and grounded during difficult moments, guiding families toward stability and healing. She encourages families to identify and strengthen their positive interactional patterns, fostering long-term change and resilience.

    A Master of Case Conceptualization and Intervention

    Kim’s clinical insight allows her to conceptualize cases at multiple levels, seeing the complexities of family dynamics with clarity and precision. She is skilled at identifying key enactments and reframes, using them to help families shift perspectives and engage in healthier interactions. Her ability to translate theory into meaningful, real-world interventions makes a lasting impact on the families she serves.

    A Well-Deserved Honor

    Kim DiPiazza is a shining example of what systemic family therapy can achieve. Her dedication to her clients, her colleagues, and the broader community exemplifies the very essence of Ecosystemic Structural Family Therapy (ESFT).

    We are proud to celebrate Kim as a 2025 MLG Award nominee and look forward to seeing her continued impact in the field.

    Congratulations, Kim! 🎉

  • Honoring Kathy Gasparetti: A 2025 Marion Lindblad-Goldberg Award Nominee

    The Philadelphia Child and Family Therapy Training Center is thrilled to celebrate Kathy Gasparetti’s nomination for the 2025 Marion Lindblad-Goldberg (MLG) Award. This prestigious honor recognizes professionals who embody the principles of Ecosystemic Structural Family Therapy (ESFT) through their leadership, clinical expertise, and dedication to strengthening families.

    A Leader Among Her Peers

    Kathy Gasparetti is more than just a seasoned clinician—she is a pillar of leadership within PA Mentor. With over eight years of experience in Family-Based Services (FBS), she has earned the respect of her colleagues and serves as an anchor within her department. Her influence is undeniable; when leadership introduces a new policy or initiative, her team instinctively looks to Kathy, recognizing her as both a mentor and role model.

    Her leadership has only grown in her new role as supervisor. Though still early in this phase of her career, Kathy has embraced the challenge with an astonishing ability to learn, adapt, and lead with confidence. She not only upholds the integrity of the ESFT model but actively shapes the culture of her department through her guidance, wisdom, and unwavering support of her team.

    A Therapist Who Inspires

    Beyond her leadership, Kathy is an exceptional clinician. Those who have had the opportunity to observe her work describe it as breathtaking—a seamless blend of compassion and firmness that creates transformative change in the families she serves. She embodies the essence of family therapy, demonstrating deep empathy while holding families accountable for growth and healing.

    As a supervisor, Kathy continues to “do therapy” with her teams, modeling therapeutic techniques, providing thoughtful mentorship, and offering steadfast encouragement to newer clinicians. When a struggling therapist recently needed extra support, Kathy volunteered to mentor them, a gesture that left the individual feeling honored to receive one-on-one time with someone they deeply admired.

    A Well-Deserved Nomination

    Kathy Gasparetti exemplifies the best of family therapy. She is a leader, mentor, clinician, and role model whose impact extends beyond her caseload to shape the future of the profession. Her journey is just beginning, yet she has already demonstrated an unparalleled commitment to systemic work and the families she serves.

    We are proud to celebrate Kathy’s nomination for the 2025 Marion Lindblad-Goldberg Award and extend our deepest gratitude for her dedication, passion, and leadership. PA Mentor is lucky to have her, and so is the field of family therapy.

    Congratulations, Kathy! 🎉

  • Celebrating Danitza Ortiz-Rivera: A 2025 MLG Award Nominee

    We are proud to announce that Danitza Ortiz-Rivera has been nominated for the 2025 Marion Lindblad-Goldberg (MLG) Award, recognizing her exceptional contributions to the family-based mental health field and her deep commitment to the ESFT model.

    With seven years of experience in family-based services, Danitza has proven to be an invaluable asset to her team, families, and community. She has played a key role in supporting her newest supervisor, assisting in the incorporation of the ESFT model into supervision practices. Her strong understanding of the isomorphic process has allowed her to integrate assessment tools, apply knowledge, and continually seek opportunities for professional growth.

    Danitza’s impact extends beyond her immediate team—she actively collaborates with outside agencies to ensure families receive comprehensive, systemic support. She is especially skilled in maintaining healthy boundaries and guiding families through positive changes in their Negative Interactional Pattern (NIP). Her ability to engage in the social ecology of families, while also drawing from her own lived experiences, allows her to connect deeply and authentically with those she serves.

    One of Danitza’s greatest strengths is her intentionality. She deliberately engages families in therapeutic work outside of crisis moments, encouraging meaningful exploration of their Positive Interactional Pattern (PIP). She utilizes assessments as a tool for transformation, ensuring that every step of the therapeutic process is rooted in the true essence of family-based services.

    Danitza’s passion for learning is evident in the way she actively seeks growth through supervision, training, and peer collaboration. She is not only committed to her own professional development but also dedicated to enhancing the field of family-based mental health as a whole.

    For her steadfast dedication, systemic insight, and unwavering commitment to the ESFT model, we proudly celebrate Danitza Ortiz-Rivera’s nomination for the 2025 MLG Award. Her work has left a lasting impact on families, colleagues, and the field, and we are honored to recognize her for this well-deserved distinction.

  • Honoring Beth Anne K.: A Nominee for the 2025 Marion Lindblad-Goldberg Award

    We are thrilled to announce that Beth Anne Keller has been nominated for the 2025 Marion Lindblad-Goldberg (MLG) Award, recognizing her outstanding dedication, leadership, and expertise in the Ecosystemic Structural Family Therapy (ESFT) model.

    With over 15 years of service, Beth Anne has been a cornerstone of the agency, beginning as a Mental Health Worker and rising to Program Coordinator. Throughout her tenure, she has played a pivotal role in training, supervision, and program development, demonstrating an exceptional ability to translate complex ESFT principles into practical, accessible learning experiences.

    Beth Anne’s extensive knowledge of the ESFT model has made her an invaluable asset to both new and experienced staff. She works collaboratively with the Program Director, ensuring that the core values of systemic family therapy are upheld with integrity and fidelity. Whether in supervision, training sessions, or direct support to therapists, Beth Anne consistently provides clarity, structure, and a strengths-based perspective, fostering an environment of learning and growth.

    One of Beth Anne’s greatest strengths is her ability to bridge complexity with simplicity—a skill that allows her to break down intricate ESFT concepts in a way that is both meaningful and applicable. She embraces the social ecology of families and teams, guiding staff in assessments, treatment planning, and collaborative interventions with intentionality and purpose. Her leadership ensures that the ESFT model is not only understood but effectively implemented in a way that transforms the lives of families.

    Beyond her technical expertise, Beth Anne’s willingness to teach, mentor, and inspire has made her an essential force in the program’s continued success. She cultivates learning through curiosity and integrity, always encouraging therapists to explore, reflect, and refine their clinical practice.

    For her unwavering commitment to systemic family therapy, dedication to staff development, and passion for advancing the ESFT model, we proudly celebrate Beth Anne Keller’s nomination for the 2025 MLG Award. Her contributions have left an indelible mark on the agency and the families we serve, and we are honored to recognize her for this well-deserved achievement.

  • Protected: The Family Crucible: Holding Structure, Igniting Change

    This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

  • Protected: Newsletter May 2025

    This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

  • Burnout and Feedback: Holding Your Work Without Losing Yourself

    Therapists are often told to stay reflective, take feedback in stride, and manage their energy. But when you’re experiencing emotional burnout, even minor criticism from a client can feel overwhelming.

    Burnout isn’t a sign that you’re doing something wrong—it’s often a sign that you’ve been giving without enough replenishment. And when that’s paired with negative client feedback, it can create self-doubt and isolation.

    Systemic family therapists are trained to hold complexity, but we often forget that we are also part of the system. We are influenced by the emotional load we carry, and by the stories we witness. If we don’t build structures of care around ourselves, we start to lose the clarity and compassion that make this work meaningful.

    Negative feedback doesn’t have to be internalized—it can be contextualized. Ask: Is this about the therapeutic relationship? A reaction to change? A reflection of broader stress in the system?

    More importantly, how are you tending to yourself? Supervision, peer support, and even a quiet walk after a tough session are not luxuries—they’re necessities. Therapists can’t pour from an empty cup. We need to refill regularly, and permission ourselves to rest without guilt.

  • When Time is Tight: Engaging the Whole Family in Brief Moments

    Engaging every member of a family in therapy is no small feat. In many sessions, one or two voices dominate while others fade into the background. Add in tight session times, and it’s tempting to focus on immediate issues rather than broad engagement.

    But presence matters more than perfection. The goal isn’t to fix every dynamic in one session—it’s to build small, intentional moments of connection across time. Each session is a stepping stone toward larger transformation.

    Start by redefining success. Engagement doesn’t always mean equal talk time. It might mean one small contribution from a typically silent member. It might look like a validating nod or a moment of shared laughter. These moments matter.

    Time constraints force us to be strategic:

    • Use change enactments to invite all members to speak without pressure.
    • Set clear, attainable goals for each session.
    • Circle back to quieter members and validate their presence, even if they say little.

    Remember, engagement is not a single moment—it’s a relationship built over time. The more consistent and inclusive the therapist’s approach, the more likely family members are to show up not just physically, but emotionally.