Protected: Ted Lasso’s Leadership Lessons for Systemic Family Therapists: Part 2 – Leading Change in Families
Ted Lasso’s Leadership Lessons for Systemic Family Therapists: Part 1 – Foundations of Connection
When working with families, systemic therapists know that the foundation of change isn’t built on interventions alone—it’s built on relationships, trust, and belief in the family’s ability to grow. Ted Lasso, with his unshakable optimism and human-centered leadership, provides the perfect framework for approaching therapy with warmth, curiosity, and connection. In this first installment of our Ted Lasso Leadership Lessons for Systemic Family Therapists series, we explore three core principles that set the stage for effective therapy: Be Curious, Not Judgmental; Believe in Your People; and Build Relationships First.
1. Be Curious, Not Judgmental
One of Ted’s most memorable quotes comes from an impromptu game of darts: “Be curious, not judgmental.” This mindset is critical in family therapy. When families enter the therapy room, they often expect to be judged—by society, by professionals, even by each other. Our job as systemic therapists is to replace judgment with genuine curiosity.
🔹 Instead of assuming why a caregiver reacts a certain way, ask about their experience.
🔹 Rather than labeling a child as “oppositional,” explore the relational function of their behavior within the family system.
🔹 Shift from seeing a family’s struggles as resistance to seeing them as adaptations to their environment.
Curiosity opens doors to deeper understanding, allowing us to join with families instead of positioning ourselves as distant experts. It also models a relational stance that caregivers can adopt in their interactions with their children.
2. Believe in Your People
One of Ted Lasso’s defining qualities is his unwavering belief in his team—even when they don’t believe in themselves. Families coming into therapy often feel defeated and stuck, weighed down by patterns they can’t seem to break. Therapists must hold the hope for them, even when they’ve lost sight of it themselves.
🔹 Instead of focusing solely on deficits, highlight family strengths—even the small ones.
🔹 Normalize the difficulty of change while reinforcing that progress is possible.
🔹 When a caregiver expresses doubt, remind them of moments when they successfully supported their child.
Believing in families doesn’t mean ignoring their struggles—it means seeing their potential for growth and resilience, even when they can’t see it themselves.
3. Build Relationships First
Ted Lasso doesn’t walk into a locker room and immediately start coaching strategy—he builds relationships first. Systemic therapists must do the same. Techniques and interventions are important, but without a strong therapeutic alliance, they fall flat. Families need to feel safe, heard, and valued before they’re willing to engage in change.
🔹 Take the time to join with each family member and understand their perspective.
🔹 Use humor, warmth, and presence to create an environment where families feel comfortable.
🔹 Be mindful of power dynamics and subsystems, ensuring that all voices—especially those who feel unheard—have space in the room.
Therapy is a collaborative process, and when families feel a connection with their therapist, they are more willing to take the risks necessary for change.
Conclusion: Laying the Groundwork for Change
Systemic therapy is about creating an environment where transformation is possible—and that starts with how we show up. When we approach families with curiosity instead of judgment, believe in their ability to grow, and prioritize relationships over interventions, we lay the foundation for meaningful change.
Stay tuned for the next installment in our series, where we explore how optimism, vulnerability, and small actions shape the therapeutic process. Until then, remember: Believe!
When the Caregiver Is Hopeless, They Need a Reframe!
As systemic family therapists, we often meet caregivers who feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and hopeless. They’ve tried everything, yet nothing seems to change. The child’s behaviors persist, stress mounts, and they begin to believe that their situation is unfixable. This is where reframing becomes one of the most powerful tools we have.
Why Do Caregivers Lose Hope?
Caregivers become hopeless when they no longer believe in their ability to make a difference in their child’s life. This can happen for many reasons:
- They’ve tried multiple strategies without success.
- They feel blamed or judged by professionals.
- They are emotionally drained from ongoing struggles.
- They see their child’s behaviors as permanent and unchangeable.
When a caregiver loses hope, their ability to be an effective leader in the family weakens, making it even harder for change to happen. This is why reframing is essential—it shifts their perspective and helps them see a path forward.
The Power of Reframing
Reframing isn’t about ignoring a caregiver’s struggles or dismissing their pain. It’s about helping them see things differently so they can regain a sense of agency, purpose, and confidence.
Example 1
Caregiver: “They cut themselves again!”
Therapist: “This is a high stakes situation…it makes sense you are scared you don’t want to lose your child to depression…you know what it takes to overcome depression…I can’t help but wonder how you did that…can you tell me about that…”
Example 2
Caregiver: “They have to go to the hospital they want to die.”
Therapist: “Oh my…your child believes they have burdened you and killing themselves is the only option they have…It is tragic how they aren’t experiencing the love you have for them…”
Example 3
Caregiver: “The kid is the problem…not me”
Therapist: “Can I tell you where I think we need your leadership? The unwanted guest of addiction has everyone bound to secrecy…Can you help me take stand against the addiction haunting this family?!”
Reframing Is Isomorphic
The way we reframe for caregivers is isomorphic to what we want them to do for their child. Just as caregivers need to see their efforts in a new light, children need caregivers who can see beyond their behaviors and recognize their underlying needs.
Final Thoughts
When caregivers feel hopeless, they don’t need more strategies or interventions, they need a shift in perspective that restores their confidence. As therapists, our job is to help them see their strength, their efforts, and their ability to create change—because once a caregiver believes in themselves again, hope returns, and change becomes possible.
💡 Want to learn more about using reframing in systemic family therapy? Stay connected with our blog for insights, training opportunities, and expert guidance!
